A Monday Evening On the Porch

--> I don’t want to be useless.

I don’t want to sit at home eating ice cream and getting fat.  I don’t want to wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, and just go to work.  I don’t want to drive my car.  I don’t want to eat meat, leave lights on, or take long showers.  I don’t want to ignore the facts.  I don’t want to pretend I’m the only person on this planet.  I don’t want to know there’s wrong in this world, but be too selfish to do anything about it.

I don’t want to be useless.

I don’t want to waste my youth, my energy, my creativity because opportunities aren’t pawing at my door.  I don’t want to turn 40 and think, “What just happened?”  I don’t want to dream a dream every day, but never take action in working toward completion.  I don’t want to write every night to no one.  I don’t want to sing in my head.  I don’t want to dance in an empty house.

I don’t want to be useless.

I don’t want to make acquaintances.  I don’t want to pass strangers.  I don’t want to lose friends.  I don’t want my Facebook to be the bonding glue in relationships past and present.  I don’t want to text.  I don’t want to tweet.  I don’t want to wake up one morning and forget what my voice sounds like.

I don’t want to be useless.

I’m tired of missing sunsets.  I’m tired of sitting on my couch.  I’m tired of thinking within the walls of my house.  I’m tired of doodling, but never drawing.  I’m tired of thinking, but never writing.  I’m tired of hearing, but never listening.  I’m tired of taking, but never giving.  I’m tired of being tired.

I want to have purpose.

I want to wake up in the morning with a to-do list.  I want to walk outside and breathe fresh air.  I want to forget my shoes and walk through tall grass.  I want to see someone, meet someone, get to know someone, befriend someone, trust someone, believe in someone, support someone.

I want to have purpose

I want to make waves, I want to cause change, I want to make good.  I want to piss someone off.  I want to make someone believe in themselves.  I want to make someone laugh.  I want to give someone the confidence to continue living.  I want to make someone see their beauty.

I want to have purpose.

I want to use my strengths, my opportunities, my life for good.  I want to know my smile makes someone else smile.  I want to learn about problems and help find solutions.  I want to say, “I did something to make that better.”  I want to know someone else is benefiting from my being alive, not the other way around.

I want to have purpose.

I want to wake up dreaming and fall asleep remembering.  I want to take photos that remind me of everyone I’ve met.  I want to go places I’ve never been before.  I want to eat food I’ve never tasted before.  I want learn new languages, make my own traditions, and never forget what it feels like to love.  I want to know that every day was used to its greatest potential.  When I die, I want them to say, “He was always alive.”  I want to laugh hysterically, cry hysterically, and live hysterically.  I want to always move forward and never stand still.

I need to put it into context.

I need to write it on paper.

I need to make a commitment.

I need to make it a purpose.

I need to make life my purpose.

I need to make others my purpose.

I need to make today my purpose.