A Midnight Musing

Seawall at Ten

I remember sitting on the seawall
My legs dangling delicately as the sun set behind the house
Everything behind me was on fire,
But in front of me was the beginning of the cool night.
The breeze that came off the bay
Always made my skin feel sharp and chiseled
The sand beneath my feet
Let off the heat from the day as it absorbed the night’s darkness
My shorts itched my legs
Covered in sand and algae and shells
My sunburn gave me chills even though my skin still sweat
And in those moments
I felt innocent.

I felt like part of the earth
An extension of Mother Nature’s cycle
I absorbed the sun, welcomed the night, and prepared to howl at the moon.
My toes were covered in a layer of sand
The sand: my exoskeleton
My hair was filled with the smell of lake
My perfume that of the carp and walleye
And my heart beat with every crash of the bay
The waves washing away all worries
Their sound clearing my memory.

I remember being able to forget
Meditating in the sound of the approaching mosquitoes
Knowing terror was ahead, but also knowing in that moment I was safe
My eyes adjusting to the new light
And my mind resetting
Forgetting.

While the bell would toll,
Calling me in to get ready for bed,
My mind would start walking across the water.
While I’d sleep in my bed
With my hair dropping grains of sand to form small dunes in the sheets
My mind would drown its pains
In the great depths of the lake
The bodies of regret would sink lifeless to the floor
Their spirits prepared to haunt me when I swim
But for now, powerless.

As the sun rose, always too early
Filling my room with heat and humidity
I'd start again.